... I find this blog. Like a personal time-capsule, a letter to my future self, giving me insight to the person I was almost 4 years ago. Going through it brings back a lot of memories, which is why I decided to start writing here again; to leave a donkey ear in time for me to find again, like I did tonight, and hopefully bring back memories of the present me to the future me, like I did tonight.
I remember a lot of what I've written here, but an equal amount I had no idea I had ever written. It's a strange thing that you can write something only to completely forget it, but I guess that's kind of the point, isn't it? You write it down, so you don't have to remember and then when you read it remember again. The good, the bad, the fun, the sad and so on.
So almost 4 years has past, and here I am: a completely different person from who I was back then. I wish I could say I had become wiser, more stable and content with myself, but that would be lying to myself. Then again maybe I have, just a little, so I hope at least. My music has, so maybe I have too. Can an unstable person make stable music? And what the fuck is stable music? Boring music. I don't think it's boring, which answers my own question...
While on the subject of music, I don't think I made music 4 years ago. Sure I played a few instruments, but I don't think I composed new music, and that seems strange to me. Of course there has to be a start with everything, I mean you obviously can't come out of the womb and start writing a novel, and even in that ridiculous scenario there's a start.
So that's a significant change in my life that's happen within those 4 years. The other significant change (if not the most significant) has to be the people whom I've met and gotten to know through these 4 year, particularly three persons.
If I remember correctly, and having found this blog and all the memories attached to it, I think I do, I lost the only two friends I truly considered friends, a short time before or after the last entry of this blog. The term "friend" is not one I throw around loosely, doing so has gotten me into a lot of not-worth-mentioning-no-good, but it's one that I can put K & D in. I don't want to go into details, but they left and we soon lost contact. K & D obviously weren't the only two people I had around me, I spend a lot of time with several different groups and people, but I never fully trusted any of them.
To my luck, over the course of roughly a year I got to know these three, whom I today consider friends, and don't see losing any time soon. They mean a lot to me, more then I think they realize.
I still live were I did 4 years ago; alone on DKgade. My love life has only gotten worse since my last entry. I'm not blaming her, but it's only gone downhill since K left. There was one person I had a brief, "relationship" isn't the word I'm looking for, but it's not a wrong word to describe what we had, however brief it was. She was the last, and I miss it; not so much her, but the general love part. I don't know why or how, but I've lost that little confidence I had to have a relationship. Something I need to work on if I don't want to end up a loveless old bastard, which I don't, who does?
And with that I'm back to blogging again. I already feel better. I've completely forgot how good it feels to get rid of my thoughts - or rather store them away for the future.