You'd think things get easier when they turn into routine. They don't.
I don't know if I'm just abnormal, but if I don't love what I'm doing, and I mean really love, then it just doesn't seem worthy of my attention for that long a time. Obviously I continue doing it, I need the money to go one living, but why can't I just do what I love and go one living?
That's how it's been since I started this new job. I want to entertain, play my violin, juggle and do various other things. So what's holding me back then? Fear of failure, I suppose.
I really shouldn't be complaining, I'm doing very well apart from the above. I got plenty of money; I plan on traveling soon; See Cirque du Soleil (yes, that's high on the list). I'm doing very well, yes. So I keep telling myself...
I've been reading a lot lately. Haruki Murakami is amazing for lack of better words - words can't begin to comprehend how amazing he is, except maybe his own words. Read "Sleep" and wow! The pictures that man can create in my head with his words are truely - here we go again - amazing.
Speaking of "amazing". I just got my two Cirque du Soleil DVD's. I got home from work and there they were, laying on the kitchen table in a brown letter-shaped bubble rapped box.
I first saw Quidam as a kid in TV, I must've ten or something, and I was breathtaken. The music, the artist, the whole was just... amazing.
And now, last night, I saw it for the second time, Quidam and Varekai - which unbelievable beautiful, also. It was like finding a treasure from your childhood, a treasure you thought was long gone. I loved every second of it, just thinking of it makes me want to see it again.
The day I see Cirque du Soleil live, will be the day I'll see again.