Silent Hill Heaven #2

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"We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get into locked a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. "

"Nature Boy"

The mood in this song is immense. It continues to surprise me every time I listen to it, especially Miles Davis' version.



There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy
And sad of eye
But very wise
Was he

And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things, fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved
In return"

"The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved
In return"

Whisky & Beer Are For Fools

"Whiskey and beer are for fools; absinthe for poets;
absinthe has the power of the magicians; it can wipe out
or renew the past, and annul or foretell the future."

- Ernest Dowson

A Black Nothing

I find myself in an increasingly state of indifference, everyday this rat race called "life" becomes more and more pointless. My old goals and dreams have been replaced with a constant all consuming worry about paying bills and juggling finances. An evil spiral I've tried so hard to not fall into, but the more I seem to fight it, the more it just comes back twice as hard; every time I think I've won a round and can relax, a new one sucker punches me in the back.

I can't focus on what I love to do, which is making music and playing music, with all these endless battles going on. I can't keep track of my goals and dreams either; don't even know what they are anymore; actually beginning to doubt I've ever had any.

This is not how I thought my life would be at age 23, but again I've forgot were I thought I'd be at this point.

The only thing that prevents me from closing the book is that tiny glimpse of light, that hopefully soon will come my way. At least I've been trying to convince myself of that for years. Does that make me a fool?
------------

I found a picture file on my old computer. Didn't exactly help in cheering me up.

Old Crayon Drawings

Not sure how old these are, but I know I made them when I lived with my parents, so maybe 6 or 7 years.

They're pretty creepy...


Entitled: "Face (Pain)"
----


Entitled: "The Faceless"
----


Entitled: "Face (Torment)"
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Entitled: "Face (Phantom)"

Roskilde Festival

My favourite place in the world; my favourite time of the year is those 8-9 days of camping on the Roskilde Festival. Where days and nights are filled to the brim with good music, happy free minded people & booze in excess. A utopia where 80.000 people get along.



I used to hate the idea of festivals: being dirty from all the dust or mud? Sleep in tents? All those people? Fuck no! But boy oh boy was I wrong. I first went in 2006 with my brother, I had decided to ignore how much I hated festivals because Tool was headlining. I was a HUGE fan of them and there was no chance in hell that I would miss seeing them. Oh yeah, and Roger Waters was the closing name.

We got there on a Thursday, the festival opened the previous Sunday, and we were both knocked over by the size of the festival. Tent after tent after tent and all those people. We spend more then an hour walking around the camping site looking for a spot for our tent, the festival was sold out, so it wasn't easy to find one. The next four days were an epiphany to me, this place was none less then a heaven on earth for me. There was music and the kindest most helpful beautiful people I've ever met. People really throw away whatever facade they normally have and show who they really are. They take so good care of each other, even though they're complete strangers, that continues to amaze me.



The music is the main part of the festival with more then 160 performances covering every genre and sub genre out there. Everything from the radio hit band to the deepest darkest underground, the possibilities to discover new bands and for new bands to break through is enormous. It's clear to see that the bookers takes some risks with some of their bookings, and I love them for doing that. I've had some of my best concert experiences on that festival. A big reason for this is again the fact that no matter how drunk or stoned everyone is, they're still friendly and considerate.



I've gone to the Roskilde Festival every year since 2006, I can't imagine how horrible it would be to stay at home knowing what I'm missing; I'm a Roskilde junkie now - I need my yearly shot.

86 days to go...

Coffee, Cigarettes & Guitars ...

... Three of my favourite things.

Dust N' Guitars

I remember building something you could call a slide guitar out of one string wrapped around two nails on a board back when I was around eleven. Man, I spend hours fiddling around with that thing, amazed at how simple it was to produce a tone. But the first time I played a real guitar was at a party when I was eighteen. We were starting to get pretty drunk after having played some serious hardcore drinking games, and there were this guy who had brought his guitar, which he'd been playing while singing - very well I might add. Well, we were sitting around talking and he handed me this guitar and asked me if I played, I said I'd never, so he showed me a few chords. It was instant love, like through a shock of lightning I found something I was passionate about and it was playing guitar. Could've easily been the booze talking but two days later I bought my first guitar.

I don't know why it took me so long to discover my love for playing guitars. I've always been interested in playing music and had a keyboard when I was ten years old, so why I never got the idea of picking up a guitar is beyond me. I never had any proper lessons in playing anything, back at age ten I just loved hitting random notes on the keyboard that occasionally made sense. Never did learn to read music - still haven't sufficiently.

My first guitar was a spanish Santana guitar. It was a decent guitar to begin with, nothing special though. I found some chord diagrams and scales on the internet and played till my fingers bleed. I loved it, a day without time to play was a bad day. Apart from whatever written lessons I was able to find on the internet, I never had any lessons in playing, so the process of playing well came slow, but I got there.

Then one day I was visiting a music store in Aarhus to buy picks, I looked through the electric guitar section and fell in love with an Epiphone Les Paul. It looked like the ultimate rock guitar with it's stunning design, and so I ended up buying it and a small Marshall 15 MG amp. That was the turning point for me. My ambition was never to play electric guitar, all I wanted at that time was strumming chords and singing my favourite songs, but that Les Paul possessed me into playing rock and blues and I'm thankful for that.


Picking up a guitar is the best thing that's ever happened to me, it's given my love for music in general a boost and my favourite thing to do today is writing songs, or just sitting in my room playing till my fingers hurt.

I still have that Les Paul, though I've modified it and put in two new pick-ups. I gave the Santana to my brother and bought a western Washburn D10 which is the guitar I play the most. My newest guitar is a Fender Telecaster that sounds just as good as it looks, but my favourite guitar is still and will probably continue to be the Les paul.

Yes, Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus

I recently rediscovering this little gem. This has always mananged to cheer me up. It's an article from the New York Sun, printed in 1897:

Dear Editor- I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, If you see it in The Sun, it's so. Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

-Virginia O'Hanlon

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus? Thank God! He lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

In a world where iPods, videogames and reality tv rules and corrupts our minds, I find this inspiring and heartwarming.

Coffee & Cigarettes

These two go together like Bonnie and Clyde, Butch and Kid, John and Jane. They are the perfect combination (however unhealthy they may be). They can and never will work to the same degree on their own. One completes the other and enhances one another. These two evils can put you in a state of mind where everything suddenly becomes durable, be it just getting up in the morning and going to work, writing, composing, anything really. With coffee and cigarettes you transform into a detective from a 1930ties spy-novel, capable of solving the most puzzling murder known to man.

However, one downside should be mentioned. Once you've experienced this God-like combination you can never have one without feeling the need for the other. It takes your nicotine and/or caffein addiction to a whole new level.

And with that I'll leave you with a scene from a movie (coincidentally) entitled "Coffee & Cigarettes" by Jim Jarmusch, featuring Iggy Pop and Tom Waits having coffee and cigarettes.

Between Walls

Between Walls is a project I started upon getting back to playing piano, and for the first time began producing my own original drum patterns and beats. I'm very excited about it, and though there's still plenty of room for improvements, I feel like I've found my niche in music.

The style is a dark sort of Electronica - Trip Hop built up around catchy piano melodies.

I have fire songs up for listening (+ an experimental ambience piece consisting of a heavily distorted musical saw that really doesn't have anything to do with this project, I just thought it was pretty cool).

You can check 'em out HERE.

Dansk Frihed?

Hvilket menneske kan tillade sig at forhindre et andet menneske retten til at leve et liv uden frygt for forfølgelse og frihedsberøvelse?

Hvorfor kan man ikke se igennem kulturelle og religiøse baggrunde og anerkende mennesket bag?

Er Danmark virkelig så snæversynet og intolerant et land?

Er vi virkelig så lige glad med andre menneskers liv, så længe vi selv kan leve i fred?

Hvorfor skal vi være de eneste der fortjener den tryghed?

Hvad har vi gjort for at fortjene den tryghed ulig andre mennesker? Fordi vi tilfældig vis er så heldige at være født og opvokset i et land der gir' os den tryghed?

Netop de spørgsmål stiller jeg mig selv ofte for tiden.

Hvad er et demokrati værd når folk er så blinde?

Danmark er det Danmark vi kender idag netop fordi man kæmpede imod den undertrygelse vi ser idag. Alligevel vælger hovedparten at kigger den anden vej når vi ser den ene efter den anden overskrift i medierne om de groteske politiske beslutninger der blever foretaget af neonationalistiske uhumane magtindehavende politiker. Personer vi har valgt til at tage de beslutninger, men så sandelig også personer og partier vi kan fratage den magt til at foretage disse beslutninger! Dog er det kun de få der aktivt siger dem imod og viser deres modstand.

Hvordan kan vi være bange for andre mennesker fra andre lande der kommer og beder os om at får del i vores frihed og tryghed? Det er jo absurd og decideret udansk. Vi har jo netop en pligt som et "frit land" at tage imod mennesker der flygter fra undertrykkelse og gi' dem den tryghed.

Man kan nærmest sammenligne denne holdning med den som Danmark udviste under Anden Verdens Krig. Vi valgte at samarbejde med besættelses magten og lukke øjnene for hvad det medførte. Gudskelov valgte nogle enkelte at gøre modstand mod besættelses magten, personer vi idag har glorificeret som "helte," men som den gang ikke modtog helt den samme anerkendelse af regeringen, tværtimod.

Ulver.

The Ulver concert last weekend was by far the strangest concert I've ever attended. Not to say it wasn't as great as I expected, because it was. They played perfectly and beyond my imagination and high expectations. Especially when keeping in mind that they haven't played live for 15 years or so. The set list was everything I could've hoped for, presenting a good variety of their songs; though none of their earliest songs were played.



Garm looked uncomfortable from start to finish and seemed to be either slightly pissed off or annoyed with something. Maybe it was because there weren't that many people in the crowd. Maybe because of the dumb-asses that wouldn't shut up during the quieter parts of the set. Maybe it was simply because of their inexperience playing to a crowd. Or maybe he was in need of a well overdue cigarette, I don't know. it didn't affect his performance one bit, though. You sure couldn't tell that he's only reasonably started singing live, but his odd presence gave the entire concert that strange feeling. However, speaking for myself, that strangeness along with the music and incredible VJ'ing only enhanced the mystery of Ulver, which had me ending up thinking it was intended.

I suppose my own excitement about seeing these guys was a factor that played in as well. I have been big a fan since I discovered their album "The Marriage Of Heaven & Hell". I was overwhelmed when they played the first song and by the end of the concert in complete awe.



The rest of the band did a phenomenal job as well, and were a little less gloomy then Garm. Daniel O'Sullivan on guitar, bass and piano was fucking incredible! That man got skills.

The sound at the venue was okay. No more, no less. There were some technical problems with the vocals at one point, but nothing serious. All in all I couldn't have hoped for a better place for them to play, I just wish the main part of the crowd had enough respect for the band and the rest of us not to chatter durning the concert.


Set list (beside the order I'm fairly sure it's correct):

Eons
Let The Children Go
Little Blue Bird / Rock Massif Pt. 1
For The Love Of God
In The Red
Operator???
Funcbrae
part of Silence Teaches You How To Sin ???
Plates 16-17
Hallways Of Allways
Porn Piece Or The Scars Of Cold Kisses???
Like Music???
Not Saved

I wish I had more time, or rather the "right kind of time" to to make music in, but then again hobbies don't have deadlines - I'm not obligated to deliver anything to anyone within a specific time frame. I'd probably go nuts if I was a professional musician and had labels breathing down my neck, demanding I'd make something for them to sell. I can easily understand why a lot of big musicians fall into some kind of substance abuse.
Though, I would be lying if I said I'm not just a little jealous of them.

Profil of a Dreamer

Wears a halo that doesn't fit
Shoes that can't keep out the rain
A scarf tied in a noose
Glasses that blinds

Wears his heart on his sleeve
Playing an out of tune guitar
& a piano that's synthesized

God & Satan are my enemies
Along with their Angels and Demons

Is not Red or Blue
Sees only in grey tone
But dreams in color

Lost the heart that loves
Along with the girl who stole it
Both now somewhere in the New World

Almost 4 Years Later...

... I find this blog. Like a personal time-capsule, a letter to my future self, giving me insight to the person I was almost 4 years ago. Going through it brings back a lot of memories, which is why I decided to start writing here again; to leave a donkey ear in time for me to find again, like I did tonight, and hopefully bring back memories of the present me to the future me, like I did tonight.

I remember a lot of what I've written here, but an equal amount I had no idea I had ever written. It's a strange thing that you can write something only to completely forget it, but I guess that's kind of the point, isn't it? You write it down, so you don't have to remember and then when you read it remember again. The good, the bad, the fun, the sad and so on.

So almost 4 years has past, and here I am: a completely different person from who I was back then. I wish I could say I had become wiser, more stable and content with myself, but that would be lying to myself. Then again maybe I have, just a little, so I hope at least. My music has, so maybe I have too. Can an unstable person make stable music? And what the fuck is stable music? Boring music. I don't think it's boring, which answers my own question...

While on the subject of music, I don't think I made music 4 years ago. Sure I played a few instruments, but I don't think I composed new music, and that seems strange to me. Of course there has to be a start with everything, I mean you obviously can't come out of the womb and start writing a novel, and even in that ridiculous scenario there's a start.
So that's a significant change in my life that's happen within those 4 years. The other significant change (if not the most significant) has to be the people whom I've met and gotten to know through these 4 year, particularly three persons.

If I remember correctly, and having found this blog and all the memories attached to it, I think I do, I lost the only two friends I truly considered friends, a short time before or after the last entry of this blog. The term "friend" is not one I throw around loosely, doing so has gotten me into a lot of not-worth-mentioning-no-good, but it's one that I can put K & D in. I don't want to go into details, but they left and we soon lost contact. K & D obviously weren't the only two people I had around me, I spend a lot of time with several different groups and people, but I never fully trusted any of them.
To my luck, over the course of roughly a year I got to know these three, whom I today consider friends, and don't see losing any time soon. They mean a lot to me, more then I think they realize.

I still live were I did 4 years ago; alone on DKgade. My love life has only gotten worse since my last entry. I'm not blaming her, but it's only gone downhill since K left. There was one person I had a brief, "relationship" isn't the word I'm looking for, but it's not a wrong word to describe what we had, however brief it was. She was the last, and I miss it; not so much her, but the general love part. I don't know why or how, but I've lost that little confidence I had to have a relationship. Something I need to work on if I don't want to end up a loveless old bastard, which I don't, who does?

And with that I'm back to blogging again. I already feel better. I've completely forgot how good it feels to get rid of my thoughts - or rather store them away for the future.

Ungdomshuset Eviction Trailer

Help!

...

I wonder if any one actually reads these rambling of mine.

...?

?

The Little Match Girl.

I just got home from watching the theatre show, The Little Match Girl by The Tiger Lillies. I had the best seats ever, I could've held the microphones for them, I was that close.

It was something, that's for sure.
It was great too.
No, it was more then great.
It was really something...

The story - should you not know - is about a little girl who sells matches, but one new years eve the cold gets too much for her, so she strikes and lights the few matches she have to keep her warm. The warmth from the matches gives her hallucinations of all sorts of wonderful things. Her dead grandmother, amongst other things. But the matches isn't enough and she ends up freezing to death out on the cold streets.

Knowing The Tiger Lillies, I didn't know what to expect, you never can with these guys. The show wasn't exactly what I had expected - the music was the good ol' sound of the tiger lillies - it was much more. It wasn't the crazy, funny, dark comedy they usually come up with, no, it was sad and I even heard a girl say after the show that it scared her a lot.
The Tiger Lillies did a great job as always, but even they were matched by the two actors, the girl especially. She is a great actor - she's so much more then just an actor.

If you have the chance, go see the show, even if you don't normally like the Lillies. I don't think you'll be disappointed.