A Black Nothing

I find myself in an increasingly state of indifference, everyday this rat race called "life" becomes more and more pointless. My old goals and dreams have been replaced with a constant all consuming worry about paying bills and juggling finances. An evil spiral I've tried so hard to not fall into, but the more I seem to fight it, the more it just comes back twice as hard; every time I think I've won a round and can relax, a new one sucker punches me in the back.

I can't focus on what I love to do, which is making music and playing music, with all these endless battles going on. I can't keep track of my goals and dreams either; don't even know what they are anymore; actually beginning to doubt I've ever had any.

This is not how I thought my life would be at age 23, but again I've forgot were I thought I'd be at this point.

The only thing that prevents me from closing the book is that tiny glimpse of light, that hopefully soon will come my way. At least I've been trying to convince myself of that for years. Does that make me a fool?
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I found a picture file on my old computer. Didn't exactly help in cheering me up.