26/06/05

You'd think things get easier when they turn into routine. They don't.

I don't know if I'm just abnormal, but if I don't love what I'm doing, and I mean really love, then it just doesn't seem worthy of my attention for that long a time. Obviously I continue doing it, I need the money to go one living, but why can't I just do what I love and go one living?

That's how it's been since I started this new job. I want to entertain, play my violin, juggle and do various other things. So what's holding me back then? Fear of failure, I suppose.

I really shouldn't be complaining, I'm doing very well apart from the above. I got plenty of money; I plan on traveling soon; See Cirque du Soleil (yes, that's high on the list). I'm doing very well, yes. So I keep telling myself...

I've been reading a lot lately. Haruki Murakami is amazing for lack of better words - words can't begin to comprehend how amazing he is, except maybe his own words. Read "Sleep" and wow! The pictures that man can create in my head with his words are truely - here we go again - amazing.

Speaking of "amazing". I just got my two Cirque du Soleil DVD's. I got home from work and there they were, laying on the kitchen table in a brown letter-shaped bubble rapped box.

I first saw Quidam as a kid in TV, I must've ten or something, and I was breathtaken. The music, the artist, the whole was just... amazing.

And now, last night, I saw it for the second time, Quidam and Varekai - which unbelievable beautiful, also. It was like finding a treasure from your childhood, a treasure you thought was long gone. I loved every second of it, just thinking of it makes me want to see it again.

The day I see Cirque du Soleil live, will be the day I'll see again.

-Mike

Frog Juice Arrived!

Ohh you green beauty, finally we're together again. I've missed you, my love!

Will you take my hand, take me to that special place of ours, away from this cold present?

Of course you will! You always have!

Drink, mon brave! Drink with me!

No "Me-time?"

Nope. No "me-time!"

Haven't made a post here for a while...
So this is what work does to you. Hmm...

Still sorting empty bottles, still fun as hell.

NEED FROG JUICE! NOW!
Should be here next week. Too long...

Money, money, money, money, money and more money.

If you don't make any money your nothing!

I kinda liked being "nothing," but when everybody has this obsession with money it's kinda hard not to tag along. Not that I actually did it by my own will, nah, the government would so like me to sort empty bottles, - that's my new job - fun huh?

Today I decided to go on a little trip to the almighty town that is Horsens. Trip might not be the word to describe it as I can walk from where I live and be in the center of Horsens in less than an hour. Anywho, I was on my "trip" - yes I am/was - and I wandered around and suddenly there I was there, where I've been a hundred other times, yet it was different, maybe I hadn't been there since that time, yes, maybe that's it. But there I was wandering down the most beautiful old alley and it was then, there, and here, I stopped and said outloud to myself - I do that some times, ok I do it a lot - "this is it, this is where "Le Chat Verte" will be placed."

"Le Chat Verte" is a dream, no, a vision - sounds much better - of mine. It's a Cafè, a hideout from the busy world, a place to unwind, read a book, a bohemian-goth-circus-gypsy-belle epoque cafè, a place for all the weirdoes. Not only that, but I will start the first and for now only distribution of quality absinthe in Denmark.

It's built in my head, everything is sorted out, well almost everything, I need - that's right - money! Once again money is an issue.
God I hate 'em, not that I don't love 'em either.

-Mike

Good Day?

I made this today:

............................................


It's me...

Curently listening to Good Day by The Dresden Dolls.
I'd like to do more than survive i'd like to rub it in your face!!!

Hmm... I'm just gonna go now.

-Mike

My Lamp Is Alive.

It moved...

I was reading a book and it moved.
Maybe you should take your medication then shit won't move, and if you don't take any medication, maybe now would be a good time to start!
Of course I know it's not possible, but why really? Why isn't it possible? If I have to be logical it was probably just because I was reading - focused on the words - and just "imagined" it. A reflection or something created (enhanced) the illusion that it moved.

But it did move...

Beksinski is Dead.

He was found dead tuesday. Murdered...

Here's some of the article:

WARSAW, Poland -- Zdzislaw Beksinski, a leading Polish surrealist painter known for his images of death, was found stabbed to death at his Warsaw home on Tuesday, police said.

Relatives found Beksinski's body overnight, and "everything indicates it was murder," police spokeswoman Zuzanna Talar said. He suffered multiple stab wounds, and police said there were no signs of forced entry or robbery.

Beksinski, 75, was considered one of Poland's leading contemporary artists. He emerged on the Polish art scene in the 1950s and was best known for his abstract renditions of skeletons, monster-like creatures and other apocalyptic images evoking death and decay.

"We all see death before our eyes," Beksinski said at the opening of an exhibition of his work at Warsaw's Zacheta Gallery in 2002, the news agency PAP reported. "I am not an exception."

"Personally, I am more afraid of dying than death itself. This is not a fear of emptiness but of suffering -- and this is what I am most afraid of."

...

Rest of the article can be found here:

http://www.newsday.com/news/nationworld/world/wire/sns-ap-obit-beksinski,0,1173369,print.story?coll=sns-ap-world-headlines

This is one of his paintings:

More of his art can be found here:

http://www.museummorpheus.com/contemp/index.htm

What a loss...

-Mike

Yet Another Day.

It's snowing.

I mean really snowing.
It was a struggle against the element to get down to the bus, hell, just getting around was a pain. Calling it "a struggle" might be stretching it, but still: There's alot'a snow out there. They say more is on it's way.

It's not that I don't like snow, it just makes everything more difficult. To be honest that's probably what I like about it too. Strange...

I walked around in a supermarket for awhile trying to spot the shop-detectives. It's something me and my friends used to do when we were kids. Great times. I succeed, of course. It's not very hard, though, just keep your eyes out for the middleaged man or woman walking around putting their merchandise back on the shelves. And if you want to boost up things - not always a good idea - you could always pretent to steal stuff.
This can actually also earn you some money if you play your cards right. You see, if they ask you to come along, then don't object, just go with them. Sure it's embarrassing, but the longer they hold you back - they don't have the right to go through your pockets, only the police have - the more money you're entitled to by law (atleast in Denmark). It's a fair bit too, not just a little pocket money no, no, but don't expect to become rich in this way either.

While in there, I felt the need to buy something, just something. A book, a movie, something. So I endeed up buying a cheap set of four old samurai movies, one of which I already have seen and liked. Forgot the title.

Still snowing hard.
I'll probably have to go back out in the cold and shovel snow. Damn!

-Mike

Imagine...

Imagine there's no heaven,

It's easy if you try,

No hell below us,

Above us only sky,

,

Imagine all the people

living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,

It isnt hard to do,

Nothing to kill or die for,

No religion too,

Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,

I wonder if you can,

No need for greed or hunger,

A brotherhood of man,

Imagine all the people

Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,

but Im not the only one,

I hope some day you'll join us,

And the world will live as one.

...

"A Story of Life"

Slowly, slower then anything I've ever experienced before, I approached it.

Oh, to think of the many times I've done this, but failed; even if I had ten hands I couldn't count it on my fingers. And now, here I am trying again. It seems as though I'm doomed to fail, but then why, oh why, do I persist with this, my unrealistic goal. It's my destiny, it most, no, it has to be.

I'm closing in now; farther then I've ever been before. Could this be it, could my destiny finally be fulfilled. What if this is it, then what? What will become of me. What purpose would I serve.

Quickly, quicker then anything I've ever experienced before, I give in and is repelled like opposite poles meeting...

What is new? What is old? What is now? And what is this?

"Tomorrow" I say, "tomorrow I'll reach it... again."

The Day That Was Not...

Am I "lost"? ... I don't think so. I don't feel "lost" at all...

Then why do I ask? Not to mention, why the fuck do I make it blue?
Do I have some sorta problem that could be the course of my feeling "lost"? No. Not really. I'm fine, I'm happy, really. I'm still unemployed, but fuck, I have been for a while now... I might as well face it: I won't figure it out, I'm not gonna.

Anyway, I don't have anything to say.

-Mike

Election Day.

Christ, I need my coffee today...

I had that dream last night; I've had that dream a million times, it seems; it's horrible. What could it mean?
I believe that dreams are the subconscious mind trying process everything "it" has experienced - everything I've experienced.

It starts like this: I'm working at a theatre; all the actors are running around getting ready to get on stage. Here's the strange part: All the actors are people I know or have known, particularly one of them catches my eye. He's dressed up as Guido, and believe me the real life him would never agree to get in a Guido costume.
The show is over everybody's on their way home; a girl, I had a semi-crush on at school, comes running towards me, she kisses and hugs me. We walk a little, and she asks me to go do something for her - I forgot what it was. Then we reach a ditch filled with garbage, broken glass and scrap metal. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she jumps down in the ditch, picks a razorblade and cuts her throat, all happening in extreme slowmotion while she screams curse words at me. I'm just standing there frozen...

I dream in colors...

I've had that dream before, the exact dream, just with a different girl, I care about, I love, at the end.

. . .

As the title says: It's election day, and there's not a single ounce of doubt who I'm going to vote on. If this new party hadn't been there for me to vote on, then I wouldn't know who to vote on, I might not even vote at all. But they're not, they're there. Minoritetspartiet, that's who I'm gonna vote on. They're humanists, like myself, they believe in the welfare of humans, regardless of their skin color.
Sadly I doubt they'll get in, they won't get enough votes, no body knows them, if the voters just took the fuckin' time to sit down and read about them, get to know the party, but no, "I don't know who they are, I won't vote on them." I hope they'll get in one day, if not this time, maybe next time, or next time again...

-Mike

Sunny Sunday.

The sun is unusually bright today.

I went to the movies with an ol' buddy I hadn't seen for months last night. We saw Ladder 49, not a bad movie. Though it would have been a more pleasant experience if I wasn't seated next to a smelly guy who released body gass three times during the movie. Not loud farts, no it was those hidden farts, covered with a cough. It smelled like a dead, rotten cat, sprayed with deodorant in a desperate attempt to cover the smell, yet that only makes it worse.
I always end up next to that guy.

But now it's sunday afternoon and the sun is unusually bright.

Kids are running around going door to door in costumes singing songs in exchange for candy, sorta' like Halloween. Only next they all gather up somewhere to beat a barrel filled with candy with the sticks untill it breaks. Back in the ol' days, a cat was put in the barrel instead of candy, why I don't know, and then kids would beat the barrel and eventually kill the cat, in Germany they buried the cat alive. I'm trying to imagine how it would've looked like.
Fastelavn (the name of this event), strange huh?

A cloud covered the sun... No wait, it's back now.

-Mike.

About time, I guess.

I figured I should start writing something here, but what should I write when I don't have anything to write? Furthermore, why do I try to write when there's nothing to write? That I can't answer, if I said otherwise I would be lying. Anyway here I am writing nothing, basically. Fun.

I just got hold of some books, that I've been waiting for ages to arrive at the local book store. Among them were Haruki Marukami's The Wild Sheepchase, which I'm now in the midst of reading. It's a wonderful book, I've already read it before, but I decided that it was an experience worth repeating before starting on Dance, Dance, Dance.

And so I end my first contribution to my blog.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go have a glass of absinthe.

-Mike

Turn it up, Turn it down.

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